This is my impression of me trying to go to bed:
"I'm so sleepy better go to beRICKROOOOOOSSSSSSSS!!!!"
Who the FUCK starts their rap video with a Ken Burns montage? Also, Rick Ross must sleep in a bed made of Yes Men, because his self-hype has reached a level where it's hard not to believe that he actually thinks he's a criminal mastermind. Who's going to believe you, Rick Ross, when you compare yourself to the greatest supervillains in American history and nobody in your production team can even spell the word "informant?" (0:55)
We are also subjected to the displeasure of seeing Ross try to feel human feelings - when you weigh 400 pounds and 300 of those pounds are tattoo ink, any attempt at impish roughhousing with a girl comes off as much more a spooky, rapey pursuit.
And just when you thought he couldn't get any more conceited, he namedrops Biggie and Tupac.
Biggie: heaviest, most fluid, most impressive delivery in the history of rap music.
Tupac: terrified the nation for half a decade by openly endorsing anti-police violence, still considered the most sophisticated lyricist in hip-hop.
Rick Ross: most notable achievements are being exposed as a corrections officer, getting into a slap fight with 50 Cent and being friends with T-Pain.
The greatest offense does not come until the end, when, after an inscrutable monologue, he beats someone to death with a baseball bat. This guy could afford to rent a mansion on the beach and a HELICOPTER to film it from above, but the best FX people he could find were his 8th grade nephews. Gently lowering your bat off-camera while someone squirts a bottle of ketchup at you is NOT COCAINE-WARLORD-QUALITY-WORK.
When you're being out-rapped by Birdman, it is time to fucking retire.
Who is Curren$y?
My favorite videos are the mundane ones, where a rapper is so competent that he can just sit around rhyming in his underwear while your mom gets slowly pregnant. If you don't like the last thirty seconds of this song, you don't like rap.
