Who's the Big Winner? (It Isn't Nelly)

Ignore the annoying-ass organ sample. Ignore the fact that anything post-Fear-and-Loathing that's Vegas themed is automatically for dads. Ignore Nelly. In fact, ignore everything except the first minute of this video. Look at that little guy! Look at his bow tie and his glasses and his baldness! If you went on a cruise and met the girl of your dreams but she was with her shitheel boyfriend, he'd be the bartender who'd mix you some amazing secret drink, be all like, "Do you have any idea how much pussy I get? You know why? Because I don't give a fuck," then teach you to tap dance, just because. You wouldn't even have to worry about the girl anymore, because you just met the coolest friend you've ever had.

I want Jermaine Dupri to hang out in my fort.